When starting the surrogacy journey, intended parents naturally want the best for their baby. They also 
hope to build a strong and trusting relationship with their surrogate. However, requesting lifestyle changes from a surrogate can be a sensitive topic. Understanding the boundaries and considerations involved is crucial to maintaining a healthy and respectful dynamic.
Establishing Expectations Through Surrogacy Matching
During the initial stages of the surrogacy process, intended parents outline their goals and preferences. This includes determining the factors that are most important when selecting a surrogate.
In surrogacy, requirements refer to non-negotiable conditions that must be met for a successful match, while preferences are desirable but not essential qualities. By clearly communicating these expectations early on, intended parents increase the chances of finding a surrogate mother who aligns with their values. It’s also important to recognize that highly specific or restrictive requests may lead to longer matching times or require flexibility.
Once an intended parent profile is presented to a potential surrogate, she has the opportunity to review any lifestyle preferences mentioned. If she does not already meet the requests but is open to adjustments, discussions can take place before formal agreements are finalized.
Reasonable Lifestyle Requests
The gestational carrier agreement covers the primary health and safety aspects of pregnancy, including abstaining from alcohol and drugs and following medical recommendations. It may also include travel restrictions to ensure proper legal procedures for establishing parentage.
Beyond these standard agreements, some intended parents may request additional lifestyle modifications. Common examples include:
- Eating organic or specific dietary choices
- Avoiding certain cosmetic treatments (e.g., hair dye, chemical exposure)
- Limiting high-impact physical activities
Cleaning with more natural cleaning products
- Participating in prenatal yoga or meditation
If a surrogate agrees to such requests, intended parents may need to provide financial compensation for any additional costs incurred. However, it’s essential to approach these discussions with sensitivity and respect for the surrogate’s autonomy.
Trust and Comfort in the Surrogacy Process
While intended parents may feel a desire to maintain control over every aspect of the pregnancy, surrogacy requires a level of trust in the surrogate’s judgment. Over-monitoring or enforcing strict lifestyle changes may create tension and stress, which can be detrimental to the pregnancy and the overall surrogacy experience.
Surrogates are thoroughly screened before being matched, ensuring they are responsible and committed to the well-being of the child they carry. Open and respectful communication fosters a positive relationship rather than one rooted in control.
Requests Made After Matching
If an intended parent wishes to request a major lifestyle change after a match has been established, they should consult with their surrogacy agency before approaching the surrogate. At this stage, introducing new conditions may cause frustration or concern, especially if they significantly impact the surrogate’s daily life.
Before making such a request, intended parents should consider:
- How difficult will the change be to implement?
- How long will the adjustment be required?
- Will financial assistance be necessary to support the change?
- Could this request cause unnecessary stress for the surrogate?
- Is this request essential, or is flexibility an option?
Requests During Pregnancy
If a lifestyle change was not discussed during the matching process and is not included in the contract, it is generally not advisable to request major modifications once the pregnancy is underway. Surrogates may feel micromanaged, leading to resentment or strained communication. Unless there is a direct health or safety concern, allowing the surrogate to navigate the pregnancy as agreed upon in the contract is the best approach.
The Role of the Surrogacy Agency
Surrogacy agencies play a vital role in facilitating discussions between intended parents and surrogates. They can help set realistic expectations, mediate concerns, and ensure that both parties feel supported. Whether considering lifestyle preferences before matching or facing unexpected concerns during pregnancy, seeking agency guidance can help maintain a smooth and positive surrogacy journey.
Ultimately, the key to a successful surrogacy experience lies in trust, open communication, and mutual respect. By establishing expectations early on and focusing on the surrogate’s well-being, intended parents can foster a supportive environment that benefits everyone involved—including the baby. If you are interested in learning more about your surrogacy options, contact Shared Conception today by calling 713-622-1144 or visit our website at: https://sharedconception.com/parents.
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