Uncomfortable Questions that Intended Parents Need to Discuss with Their Surrogate

Meeting a potential surrogate feels akin to the most awkward first date imaginable. You find yourself face-to-face with a woman you barely know, and the majority of your conversation revolves around the prospect of creating a baby together. It’s a rather swift progression, and amidst the million things you want to know, diving into a checklist of explicit questions about personal habits or medical history seems counterproductive. Such an approach could easily lead to the surrogate rebuffing your advances and slapping an instant “No Vacancy” sign on her womb.

It’s crucial to remember that this encounter is not a job interview; the surrogate has the right to reject you as well. Treating her as an employee or laborer is not advisable; she’s making a generous, inconvenient, and somewhat risky decision for a virtual stranger. Red flags, if any, will surface during medical and psychological exams, and a professional third party will communicate them to you.

When meeting a potential surrogate, try to empathize with her situation. She has decided to embark on a journey that involves immense deliberation, soul searching, and an act of generosity towards a stranger. She may be nervous but also somewhat thrilled about the prospect.

Instead of delving into intrusive questions, focus on removing the mystery from your relationship and getting to know each other. While it’s not a typical first date, you must assess compatibility on weighty matters. If working with an agency like Shared Conception, some topics will be covered, but otherwise, consider the following questions in increasing order of sensitivity:

1. What motivated you to become a surrogate?
2. What were your previous pregnancies like?
3. How do your friends and family feel about your decision?
4. Are you comfortable with our presence at doctor’s appointments and the delivery room?
5. What level of communication would you prefer after the birth?
6. What concerns do you have about us or this process?
7. Why would you choose us?

These questions, once discussed and agreed upon, pave the way for more casual conversations about personal preferences, sense of humor, and other trivial matters. Show some curiosity and empathy by asking her to describe exactly what she’d be going through for your benefit. This is also a great way to show you appreciate the sacrifice she’ll be making on your behalf.

If you are interested in learning more about surrogacy options or are interested in becoming a surrogate mother, please contact us at 713-622-1144, and we will be here to help you with any questions.