Deciding to become a surrogate is a big, generous choice, and it naturally raises another important question: How do I explain this to my own kids? The good news is that 
children are often far more understanding than we expect, especially when the conversation is honest, age-appropriate, and filled with reassurance.
The first thing to remember is that there’s no “perfect” script. Every family is different, and how you explain surrogacy will depend on your child’s age, personality, and emotional maturity. What matters most is creating a safe space where your children feel comfortable asking questions and expressing their feelings.
For younger children, simple explanations work best. You might say something like, “Mommy is helping another family have a baby because they can’t do it on their own.” Kids don’t need all the medical details; what they need is clarity and consistency. Reassure them that the baby growing in your belly is not coming home with your family and that your role is to help, not to become the baby’s parent.
Older children and teens may want more information and that’s okay. They might ask how the baby was made, why the intended parents can’t carry a pregnancy, or how long the journey will last. Answer honestly, but only as much as they’re ready to hear. If you don’t know how to answer something yet, it’s perfectly fine to say, “That’s a great question let me think about the best way to explain it.”
Another great way to explain surrogacy to children is with books designed for that exact purpose.
Here are some of the books that you may find helpful in explaining your surrogacy:
- The Very Kind Koala: A Surrogacy Story for Children by Kimberly Kluger-Bell
- The Kangaroo Pouch: A Story about Surrogacy for Young Children by Sarah Phillips
- Grown in Another Garden by Crystal Falk
- Sophia’s Broken Crayons: A Story of Surrogacy by Crystal Falk
- It Takes a Galaxy: A Surrogacy Story by Auntie Boppy
- A Kids Book About Surrogacy by Kira Chesak
One of the most important things to emphasize is reassurance. Children may quietly worry about whether you’ll still have enough time, energy, or emotional space for them. Let them know that while surrogacy is important, they are still your priority. Keep routines as steady as possible and intentionally carve out one-on-one time so they feel secure and included.
Many families find it helpful to involve children in small, age-appropriate ways like letting them feel baby kicks, helping choose comfy maternity clothes, or celebrating milestones together. This can help them feel connected rather than confused or left out.
Most importantly, remind your children that surrogacy is an act of kindness. You’re helping create a family, and love doesn’t run out just because it’s shared. When kids understand that message, they often feel proud of the role their family plays in such a meaningful journey.
Explaining surrogacy isn’t a one-time conversation it’s an ongoing dialogue. Listen, reassure, repeat when needed, and trust that honesty paired with love goes a long way. If you have any questions, please reach out to us at Shared Conception by calling (713) 622-1144.
Recent Comments