As the intended parents, it is important to provide positive support to your surrogate mother. There are many ways you can do this.
Because surrogacy is such a selfless gift, one way to show support or appreciation is to do thoughtful acts of kindness in unexpected ways. This could include giving her a gift card for a manicure or pedicure. Some med spas even have prenatal packages designed specifically for pregnant women. Other ideas include gift cards to her favorite restaurant or a food delivery service such as DoorDash—remember, it’s simple things that can mean the most.
Involving your surrogate in some of the decisions, such as letting her help choose the baby’s first outfit, can be all she needs to keep her mind from her discomforts, aches, and pains. Sharing your excitement as a new parent-to-be can help your surrogate feel appreciated and build a level of comfort in your relationship.
Pregnancy is physically demanding and makes simple chores sometimes hard to complete. If your surrogate feels comfortable with the idea, consider hiring a housekeeper once every couple weeks to help with housework. This takes the pressure off both your surrogate and her spouse.
Another way you can support your surrogate mother is by trying to get to know her better. Take her out for tea or coffee or a bite to eat, just to talk. Surrogacy is an emotionally charged journey for both parties, and sometimes having that comfortable, open line of communication can make everything easier for both the surrogate and the intended parents. As the Intended Parents, it is ok to periodically check on your surrogate, invite her out, and give her calls to see if she needs anything, but remember it is also essential to give her space, so she does not feel like she is being micromanaged.
When you doubt how you can support your surrogate, just ask her! She will know what she needs better than anyone else. The kind of support she needs will change throughout her pregnancy, so this is always a great option if you are unsure how you can help. Your support and that of those around her are such an instrumental part of her journey.