As if surrogacy isn’t complex enough, when you add a loss or miscarriage to the process, the heartbreak is spread throughout all involved. A loss is devastating for everyone, but for a gestational carrier, the feeling of grief for your loss and the loss for your Intended Parents is a double whammy. The emotional aftermath is a roller coaster surrogates are at risk of encountering.

It is common to feel the sense of responsibility for the miscarriage even though you know that you didn’t do anything wrong. Your role as a surrogate is an important one. This is a lot of weight on your shoulders. Here are some suggestions to help heal with a surrogate miscarriage.

Listen to your body. Going from being pregnant to not being pregnant will present a considerable shift in hormones. This may make the healing process more difficult. Always speak to your doctor about how you are feeling. Postpartum depression can affect you regardless of when a miscarriage happens or when a baby is delivered.

Get plenty of rest. Your heart is healing as well as your body. Let nothing but happiness and positivity surround you. Try to maintain your normal routines and keep yourself occupied as best as you can. This may even be a good time to take up a new hobby.

Remember, whether you are able to move quickly through this loss or are grieving deeply, no one can tell you how you should feel and no feeling is wrong. Sharing your feelings with those who have been through similar situations may help. Shared Conception surrogates use our private, closed Surrogate Facebook group as a tool to connect with other surrogates and share their experiences.