She’s pregnant! I’m excited, but I thought I’d be able to relax more than I have by now. 

Achieving pregnancy isn’t a finish line so much as it just one hurdle (though a HUGE one) on the way. Each new milestone in the pregnancy will bring with it a modicum of relief (Shared Conception will celebrate with you!), but it is perfectly normal not to feel completely at ease until your little one is finally in your arms. Celebrate each step forward, and share your joys—and your fears—with your surrogate.

How might communication with my surrogate change during the pregnancy?

The matching and cycling phases likely involved a frenzy of almost-daily communication. Once pregnancy is achieved, communication with your surrogate might shift to become more frequent or sometimes less frequent, especially if your surrogate is having a difficult time with first-trimester exhaustion and morning sickness. If your communication needs fall out of sync with your surrogate’s, don’t hesitate to have a conversation with her to get the reassurance you need as an expectant mom.

How  can I find balance between valid concerns about my surrogate’s habits and being overly worried?

Keep in mind that there is a range of what is considered “safe” during pregnancy. Within the realm of what is considered safe by medical standards, your surrogate’s decisions during pregnancy might be different from the ones you would choose if you were pregnant. Find compromise and acceptance with habits that are within safe parameters, and don’t violate any terms of your mutually agreed-upon contract. Have faith in the trust that you’ve given to her ability to carry a safe and healthy pregnancy. If you’re still uncomfortable, definitely discuss it with your surrogate. If necessary, agree together to have her obstetrician weigh in on the issue.

What special considerations should I make for delivery?

The birth of every baby is a “special delivery,” but the deliveries of babies born via surrogacy definitely take some extra advance planning. Both you and your surrogate should make a list of your delivery desires, making sure to consider the following:

• Who will be in the delivery room, and what will their roles be?

• Will the baby be placed on the surrogate or handed to you (or your partner) first?

• In the event of a C-section, who will accompany the surrogate to the OR?

• If you don’t make it to the hospital in time for the delivery, should the baby stay with the surrogate or be sent to the nursery until you arrive?

• Will the surrogate have a wristband to have access to the baby?A few weeks before delivery, you and your surrogate should review your birth plan with the obstetrician. Our surrogacy agency,  Shared Conception, will be right there beside you all, every step of the way.

My baby is here! I’m not physically recovering from pregnancy and delivery, so why am I so tired?

Well, you’re a new mom! Your pregnancy and delivery may not have been “typical,” but your newborn phase of parenthood surely will be. As a new mom, you’re entitled to the same elation, exhaustion, joy, nervousness, and excitement that many new moms typically feel. You may even experience this whirl-wind of emotions to a more intense degree, especially given the long road you have endured to become a parent. Don’t underestimate how this flurry of emotions—even the positive ones—can affect your physical well-being. Revel in your new motherhood. Every aspect of it, even that delicious, powder- scented exhaustion, is well deserved.

As you’re taking care of your new bundle, don’t forget to take extra-special care of yourself, as well. Our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, is happy to competently help you to enhance your family and get to that euphoric state of exhaustion, give us a call.