Surrogacy is not an easy subject even today, despite the twenty-first century we are living in. You see, the process of surrogate pregnancy is not widely acceptable in many cultures and societies, even though surrogacy agencies in Texas are working proactively. Perhaps it is the fear of the fact that your children will find it extremely challenging emotionally to know that their new sibling won’t be coming home at all.
You may have all the reasons to become a surrogate, such as volunteering for a couple who have tried everything, including crystals for fertility, but failed. You may volunteer to be their surrogate willingly, perhaps because of the bond you share with them.
However, the fact is that the fear of your children not accepting your surrogacy can feel crippling. But the good news is that these fears don’t usually come to fruition because of the more inclusive community we’re pushing for globally.
Kids are a whole lot smarter, intellectual, and flexible these days, largely due to the abundance of education and information available. Kids are also more resilient creatures and love sharing in the excitement of adults. Hence, portraying your own excitement to them and opting for open, honest and age-appropriate communication is the right route.
Further below, we will share some helpful tips on how to tell your kids you’re going to be a surrogate.
Involve Your Kids in the Process of Surrogate Pregnancy
For starters, you must try not to keep your reasons to become a surrogate from your kids. They have a right to be a part of the process of surrogate pregnancy. You may be taking on the major portion of the responsibility, but it will impact your family too.
For instance, you will certainly become less available to your kids when you have to be follow up with appointments and doctor visits. If you fail to include them in this process through regular and honest communication, it may arouse feelings of jealousy and longing for attention from you, in them.
Hence, it is always in favor of the surrogate to involve her kids in the process. Of course, their level of maturity, information, age and feelings will determine how well they will cope with the events. But if you begin with a gentle introduction and regularly follow with concrete information, they will accept it more easily.
Perhaps when you’re using things like a pregnancy ball or a birthing ball, you could have your kids to be present during the exercise. It will make them feel more involved and more open towards acceptance of the process if they’re in it with you.
Answer as Many of Their Questions as you can
It is important to remember foremost that children are intellectual beings, and to encourage their acceptance, you must indulge them. Allow them to ask whatever questions they may have about surrogacy. Muster as much patience, respect and softness as you can while answering their queries.
Also, avoid using statements like, “We want this because we decided it.” Words like these may make your children feel left out of an important decision. They may also interpret it as your attempt to seclude them out of important events of your life.
Hence, answer them gently and inject as much positivity into your words as you can. Try to help them see the good that will come out of this decision to your family as a whole and the intended parents. Teach your kids how being empathetic is a virtue and that it is important to be there for each other in ways possible.
While your belly continues to grow throughout the process of surrogate pregnancy, so will their questions.
Tips to Teach Your Kids about Surrogacy in the Right Way
1. Use Resources
There are multiple resource books on surrogacy for kids. You could select a few and start reading those with your children. Include the family members in it too as a family-building activity. Reading books together is a great step forwards in normalizing surrogacy and making it a widely accepted subject. You could also use this activity as a gentle way to broach the subject with your kids and ask them how they would feel if you wished to help another family by being their surrogate.
2. Arrange a Visit with the Intended Parents
If you have initiated the process of surrogate pregnancy, it would be a great idea to arrange a meet-up of the intended family with your kids. Before the meeting though, show your kids their pictures and introduce the couple in as positive a light as you can. You must share their story too and try to explain the story of the family, which moved you to be their surrogate.
3. Involve them in the Service
Teach your kids how they all had to pitch in to help you give birth to a baby for a family who is yearning for. Let them see the goodness in the act so that they feel proud about being empathetic and helpful to others.
4. Arrange a Visit to the Intended Family’s Home for Your Kids
If your children request to see the home of the intended family where the new baby will live, try to arrange a visit.
5. Allow the Kids to Visit the Nursery
It would be a good idea to let your children pick a special outfit or toy for the newborn baby. Have them bring it to the nursery when the child is born.
6. Arm them with the Right Information
Make your children knowledgeable and confident enough to discuss surrogacy maturely and positively with others. Arm them with positive and informative responses so that they wouldn’t mind receiving questions and comments and responding to them. Once you break the surrogacy news to everyone, there’s bound to be a family member, friend or stranger who will comment about it. Prior training will prevent your kids from feeling awkward when such situations arise in their presence.
The process of surrogate pregnancy is a challenging one, for the surrogate, her family and kids, and the intended parents-to-be too. But the process is to take the most toll on the kids of the surrogate if she doesn’t educate, train and involve them from the start.
Regardless of all your reasons to become a surrogate, remember to keep it an ongoing dialogue with your kids. Let it be a two-way communication always so that they feel equally involved in this important event of your lives.
If you have any questions or are interested in becoming a surrogate, give us a call! You can contact us at either our Houston 713-622-1144 or Dallas 214-390-4024 office for more information. Or, visit www.deliveradream.com to request information to learn more!