Starting out, I didn’t know exactly what to expect— though I could imagine the possible effects. When I first found out I was pregnant with my daughter, it was a complete surprise, and I was initially in shock and did not know what to feel or think about being pregnant. I was only 19 after all and had no plans of getting pregnant for at least a few years. After a few days, I let that news sink in and ended up embracing the news. I remember for the majority of my pregnancy being very excited and happy. I just loved it. And from time to time (after the birth) I would actually miss being pregnant (but with no desire to start over with a newborn no matter how adorable they are, lol).

I thought long and hard and discussed at length the decision to go on a surrogacy journey. Not to mention all the surrogacy blogs I read of other surrogates, each one unique in its own way. Emotions are rather unpredictable, especially when combined with a woman’s hormones. And I could not say with 100% certainty that I would come out of it ‘unscathed,’ but my husband fully supported my decision and shared my opinion that I would have the right mindset. So I decided to start with the application with my selected surrogacy agency…and see if or how far it would take me. And I am so glad I did 🙂

There was definitely a lot of frustration after going through two failed transfer attempts and three cycles—those shots aren’t exactly fun! And after feeling like I had so much trouble getting a successful transfer, I worried through most of the first trimester that the baby wouldn’t stay. I think I started really feeling confident in the pregnancy after I started feeling the first flutters of movement from baby around 17-18 weeks. My favorite part, albeit the least comfortable, is the last 2 to 3 months when you really start showing. The overall pregnancy was a good experience though different from what I had anticipated.

I realize now that a part of the kind of excitement and happiness I felt with my daughter came from preparing and planning for the baby, which is something I did not need to do in a surrogacy journey. So when that ‘nesting’ period came instead of running around preparing and arranging baby stuff, I was running around scrubbing appliances inside and out and washing down walls and doors and reorganizing closets, lol. Instead the excitement and happiness I felt was different because it wasn’t for me, but for an awesomely wonderful intended couple that had started this journey long before I stepped in.

When my water broke on a Monday morning, I knew it wouldn’t be long (though I didn’t know it would be 21 hours later-lol) that I would be laying my eyes on the child I had carried for the past 38 weeks and I wasn’t sure what or if any kind of emotion would hit me. But when I first laid eyes on her I felt nothing except the relief that pushing was over. They cut the cord, wiped her up a little bit and then I was asked if I would like to hold her. I didn’t feel the need to and wondered if I should…but decided I would. Taking her in my arms, I felt nothing but a big sense of pride wash over me, she was beautiful or as her father said when I first walked into their room as he was holding her, “She’s perfect.” I wish the parents could have made it there in time for the birth, but all that matters is that they were able to make it. I never once felt like she was mine or that she was being taken away from me. I am fully confident that my intended parents will be wonderful parents. I got a kick out of watching them with her because they acted just like new parents. I remember my first week with my baby, Chloe…she broke me in. And so Hannah will break them in, lol.

The one month pictures were just beautiful, I loved seeing how much she had grown and how healthy she looked. The parents have made it all the way home now and have had a couple of pictures on Facebook of them holding/feeding her. They make a beautiful family 🙂

Assuming everything goes well with my postpartum checkup, and I can’t imagine why it wouldn’t as I am feeling almost 100% right now (I think it helps that I didn’t tear, thank goodness!), I can totally see me going on another journey.  I can only imagine how wonderful it must feel to see new families created every day but it really is a wonderful thing surrogacy agencies are doing for these intended couples. And I am thankful to have been a small part of it.