The process of matching intended parents and their surrogate is one of the most exciting parts of the surrogacy process! Shared Conception’s objective is that the surrogate and intended parents interact in a comfortable environment and that both parties build a good rapport and partnership. So, what makes a great surrogacy match?
There are many factors we take into consideration when we begin the match-making process. Once a surrogate is accepted into our surrogate mother program, we expertly determine which couples to present her to based upon the criteria she expressed to us during the screening process and the preferences of the intended parents that we are working with.
A surrogacy relationship is an intimate relationship in many ways so sharing similar personal values is important. While this doesn’t mean you must agree on everything, it is essential to have personal values that are closely aligned. What personal values are important is different for everyone, so the match meeting is the best time for both sides to ask each other questions to make sure that their beliefs align.
As with any significant relationship, communication is key. The styles of communication are critical in the surrogacy journey. We look at how both parties prefer to communicate—do both parties prefer texting, emailing, phone calls or in-person meetings? How often is communication needed? Setting expectations regarding communication is very important so neither side is disappointed.
Understanding the level of involvement that will be comfortable for both parties is essential. Most surrogates and the intended parents have weekly communication during the pregnancy and update each other after delivery with pictures, texts and calls. There are also some that have constant contact during the journey and see each other often after the baby is born, while a rare few are strictly business and do not plan to have any relationship after this journey ends.
This is one of the most important factors to consider. While the agency does screen the surrogate for issues like criminal history or medical issues, there may be other deal breakers to consider. For example, the intended parents may want the surrogate to have a natural birth, but the surrogate will not give birth without an epidural. Views on getting vaccinations can also be a deal breaker. While there can be compromises on some issues, there are some absolutes, and it is best to know what those are for both parties from the very beginning.
Sometimes the most important aspect of the surrogacy relationship is how well the parties connect with each other. We tell our intended parents and surrogates to trust their intuition. Does it feel right? Do they get emotional when they think about working with each other? Always trust your gut!
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